As kids, many of us believed everything our parents told us. Whether it was a white lie about what happened to our favorite toy or a story to protect our feelings, we trusted that mom and dad would never steer us wrong. But as we grow older, we start to realize that sometimes those well-intentioned lies can have bigger consequences.
When a Reddit user asked, “What Is A Secret Your Parents Hid From You That Turned Out To Be Very Important?” People poured out their hearts, sharing some eye-opening and, at times, disturbing secrets. As you read these stories, you might find yourself reflecting on your own family and wondering if there are things you should talk about with your parents.
#1
My mother had been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and institutionalized before my birth.
She was a single parent with sole custody of me. She was unmedicated. My childhood was hell.
The extended family knew and openly lied to me when I tried to get answers as a teen. Ended up living with random friends when she’d go off the deep end during my teenage years. Turned 18 and my aunt decided it was finally time for me to know the truth.
It explained everything and it made me genuinely hate my aunt. She knew the truth my entire life and still left a child in that situation.
#2
When I told my mom that I had horrible depression and I needed treatment or I would fail out of college, she said, “Well, I’m not surprised. We’re all taking antidepressants.” MOM! This would have been useful information to have before college!
#3
I had a brother that only lived 12 hours. He was 2 years younger than me, so I didn’t remember until they told me when I was 10. Years later, I found out his birthday was the same day as my next door neighbor’s. My parents had chosen to hide their painful remembrance and emotions so that I was able to enjoy 6 or 7 birthday parties in the neighborhood before we moved.
Anon:
My Mom always talked about wishing that she had an older sibling for myself and my two siblings. At her funeral, this guy showed up and completely broke down at her casket. Thankfully, my dad was too distraught to notice anything. I saw my uncles look very uncomfortable.
After the funeral, I asked my Aunt and cousin who that man was. He was my Mom’s teenage boyfriend. He had gotten her pregnant. She was about 8 months pregnant and was getting water from a well and it brought on labour. The baby died during labour.
She was born to be a Mother and no one loved her children more. It oddly brought me comfort to imagine she was getting to be a Mom in heaven too.
Quite often, parents lie to protect their kids. Sometimes, these lies are harmless. For instance, telling them that the child’s broken tooth has miraculously turned into money because the tooth fairy visited them. Or saying that it was Santa Claus who brought the gifts because the child had been good during the year.
But there is also a thin boundary between being protective and being deceitful, especially with regard to information that may impact a person’s future. For example, there can be repercussions when a ‘health-related’ secret gets out of hand. If there is a history of diabetes, heart disease, or any form of mental illness in the family, it is very important for the children to understand this as they grow up.
#4
My Father is a trans woman. Glad she finally gets to be who she is actually is but she felt she had to hide herself for 23 years of my life. I’m happy for her.
#5
My dad was m**ested by his mom and she let random dudes bully and beat him up for their entertainment.
I didn’t know about this until she died but it makes perfect sense why my dad is such a piece of s**t.
Edit- I had a few people wonder why I called him a huge PoS. I called them that because that’s what he was to us. He was mean. He was ruthless. He didn’t m****t me or my siblings but he physically and verbally f****d us up. He would create a prison environment at home and he loved it. Once I got into my early 20s he started trying to assert his dominance over me, he tried to fight me, he would blow up my phone 7 times a day (yes, 7 times a day) to see where I was and what I was doing. As a kid he would want to fight and he would constantly trash family and tell me how much of a failure I was. He created major insecurities that I still carry this day, he created a sense of worthlessness that I still carry, I feel like I’m worthless to peoeple so why date? Why marry?
He did all of this instead of identifying the problem and working on it. That’s exactly what I did. You can be a product of your environment but its up to you to carry that environment.
#6
My parents didn’t tell me about my cerebral palsy diagnosis until I was 13, even though I was diagnosed around 18 months. I’m really mildly affected obviously, but it’s become far more important as an adult as I have health issues, need to exercise in an adapted environment, have a slight learning disability that makes aspects of college hard, and can’t drive due to my condition.
Familiarizing yourself with your family’s medical history is necessary for you to make choices regarding your well-being. To some extent, you could also pursue the relevant health care and exercise due care for your health; you might be able to seek appropriate medical advice and be vigilant about your health.
Sometimes, moms and dads are not truthful because they want their children to worry. They might think that revealing a family history of illness will make you feel stressed or anxious. Or they may be embarrassed about certain family matters, for example, if a cousin was addicted to d***s, an uncle was gambling, or there was a bad marriage.
#7
I was diagnosed with autism at 5 and wasn’t told until I was TWENTY-five. Would’ve saved me a lot of therapy trips if I’d have known that sooner!!!!!
#8
One of my parents casually mentioned a mental health condition that the other had been diagnosed with before I was born… That nobody had mentioned to me ever in my life even though I was pushing 30. Finding that out made some things click.
#9
Found out during covid that the man who raised me is not my father. My mother k**led herself over 20 years ago. Found this out from 23 and me after matching with a half-sibling. She told no one. Some family members don’t even believe me. Big surprise I look just like my dad. He unfortunately passed in 2017 so I never got to meet him.
The thing that makes me the angriest about the whole situation is her not even coming clean after my daughter’s cancer diagnosis. At 22 months she was diagnosed with retinoblastoma. Had her left eye removed. We went to genetic counseling after this because it could be a hereditary cancer. Which would mean it would happen in the other eye. For 2 months I waited to find out if it had spread to her brain.
This woman acted like this was the most difficult time in HER life but still couldn’t be honest with me. I had no idea this was even a possibility until the week before she k**led hirself. That’s when she said “He’s not really your dad”. Refused to explain herself. Refused to tell me who my dad was. Then shot herself in the head leaving me to clean up her life mess. I could have had 13 years with him had she told me then.
However, withholding such information can sometimes do more harm than good. For instance, if a parent has a serious illness and the child doesn’t know about it, they might not take preventive measures. And if they experience symptoms, they might not take it seriously. Similarly, the child may be unprepared to handle mental health issues if they don’t know that their parents have gone through similar challenges.
It’s essential that parents are transparent with children, especially as they reach adulthood. This type of communication builds trust and also helps the children make informed choices about their lives.
#10
My atypical genotype. My intersex birth and surgical assignment. Based on what doctors think there’s indication I had a twin for a large portion of the pregnancy. (Also, I feel her in my soul which pushed me to look). My mother injected me with estrogen and gave me birth control pills *to pretend my sister was still ALIVE* so, like, it would have been good to know that.
You know. To make sense of what the f**k.
This feels like a dangerous question to ask, lol.
#11
The fact that my grandfather had a heart attack that almost k**led him. This was only admitted by my grandmother when my dad had a heart attack that almost k**led him. Later my uncle had a heart attack that actually k***led him. And my aunt began suffering from heart issues as well.
There’s a good chance heart disease runs in our family so knowing this is definitely very important.
Edit: just because of all the medical advice being given in the comments, yes I’m regularly checked; I’ve had higher cholesterol levels than the requirement for my age since I was 13, a major contributor to heart attacks, so I watch what I eat to keep that at bay.
#12
I inherited a college fund, but didn’t know and my dad spent it on booze, and d***s. Life could have been so different….
Research shows that family health history is a significant risk factor for many chronic conditions. The CDC notes that having a family history of certain diseases can increase a person’s risk of developing that disease, sometimes by two or more times compared to someone without such a history. Knowing this information can be life-saving, as it allows for early detection and intervention.
#13
My Grandfather had prostate cancer. Family never talked about it.
Then I got prostate cancer, and they were like, hey, what are the odds?
anon:
Same thing happened to me but with melanoma. And both my parents are in the healthcare field! 😡
IDK if it would’ve made a difference or not but I’ve also wondered if I would’ve gone to tanning beds back in the early 2000s when it was all the rage if I had known my grandmother had melanoma.
#14
That I had an older half sister who was given up for adoption. My mum had to tell me because she turned up on the doorstep one day.
At the age of 12, we’d been the typical mum, dad and 2 kids family. By the time I was 15 my parents had divorced and remarried and I now had a sister, 2 half sisters, 2 half brothers and a step sister.
#15
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 8 and they completely hid it from me because my mother was in denial and my dad didn’t want me taking pharmaceutical m**h. This was back in the 90s, where if you were anything but conforming nornal…people around you wernt so accepting.
I thought I had bipolar disorder because of how my mood swings are. Turns out I could have avoided nearly 2 decades of hell if my parents just told me the truth. Even if I didn’t seek treatment for it, KNOWING what was wrong would have made such a huge difference when I was a kid. Hell, just a simple dose of caffeine is all it takes for me to be functional.
To know it was that simple enrages me and I still have yet to forgive my parents for it. They knew and they let me suffer for their own vanity and fantasy world where “everything is fine and normal”. Life is fine now but I went though so much unnecessary hell for more than half of it.
In addition to being honest about family health issues, it’s equally important to have open conversations about finances with your children. Discussing money matters not only prepares them for the future but also imparts valuable lessons about managing finances responsibly.
#16
That my doctor diagnosed me with an ibuprofen allergy as a baby. Learned it for myself after a fun ER visit in my early twenties.
#17
Found out I along my sibling were invitro babies. Thought our dad was our dad. Later found out our dad was a s***m doner. Dad that raised us had a lot of health and mental health problems in the family. Met the s***m doner he has great genes on his side. Whole life shifted at 24 but at least I won’t die from cancer.
#18
My mom claimed to know I had bipolar but decided not to seek treatment for me when I was a kid because I was just being dramatic and needed to calm down. I was s******l at age 10 because she wouldn’t make her husband stop beating me and she wouldn’t stop telling me I deserved to be hit so much. But yeah, I’m just being dramatic. I wasn’t diagnosed or treated until I was 26.
When parents share the complexities of cash management, whether it is saving for emergencies, expense management, budgeting, or even retirement, they hand their children the tools they will need to survive in the ever-turbulent world. The fundamentals of how money works, the essence of saving, and the potential future danger of debts are all lessons that can never be overstated.
#19
My autism diagnosis, wasn’t told until after I was having my own children assessed. My mum is also autistic (that was obvious but she always denied), breast cancer being something that runs in the family, and that my great uncle was a convicted p**ophile, I was only told when my own son was 2, because his targets were young boys so I didn’t need to know before then. I no longer have any contact with that side of the family.
#20
My mother spent the majority of her pregnancy, weekend party drinking with me. I’m just now have confirmation of this at 35 based on suspicion from my teens.
I’m currently dealing with major medical problems from birth defects because she did the bare minimum to seek care for my condition when I was a child. I took what they told me as a child as truth and am now realizing they only had her best interest in mind. I spent my 20s as a punk, running from and denying the severity of my condition. Now, as a father, farmer, and running a business, im having to pause my future plans to grab on and deal with this s**t.
I am mostly low or no contact with my parents at this point, except a few calls to ask for any medical records they may still have. My mother doesn’t seem concerned about my condition, is unhelpful, and was only concerned about who ratted her out to me. Most of the extended family has chosen to protect her big lie, but I’m 100% certain it doesn’t sit well with them. She is a malignant narcissistic, and the extended family orbits around here. It’s disgusting.
On the bright side, I have wonderful children, a supportive wife, a few close friends, and an extremely busy organic chicken, turkey, and pig farm to keep going. We are fortunate to live almost debt free in the most beautiful part of Michigan. I am forging my own path and breaking that toxic cycle.
#21
I recently found out I have a half-brother dad somehow forgot to mention. I loved my dad and he was a great father to me but finding out he had a kid on the side (he was a clergyman) was disillusioning, especially when I learned he never contributed to this person’s upkeep or education.
Relaying instances from one’s own life where one has faced difficulty can also act as quite a strong motivation for children in learning about overcoming adversities and assuring them that it is perfectly alright to ask for assistance whenever they feel the need. When parents talk about their challenges, they provide a perspective on important skills like determination, asking for help when necessary, and embracing the learning process.
#22
Found out my grandpa left 10,000 shares of Coca Cola to me when I was born. (1997)
Found out about these when I was helping my parents move and found the document when I was 19.
Turns out my parents already sold them all to pay off credit card debt.
Obviously not important as others, but that money could have really helped me out being I was struggling trying to pay college by myself.
#23
My mother hid the identity of my father from me for 35 years. I don’t look like her. I don’t act like her. I look like a taller, less olive version of him. My personality is like a carbon copy of him.
He died 3 years before I knew who we was. I don’t know what I would have done with the information if he were still alive, but I still feel extremely slighted because half of my identity was withheld.
I haven’t really talked to anyone about this.
#24
I have a sister that was put up for adoption. I didn’t find out until my dad told me after sustaining brain damage and not realizing I wasn’t supposed to know.
Imagine a parent who once struggled with anxiety but found it difficult to talk about when they were younger. By sharing this experience with their child, they’re showing that everyone faces challenges and that it’s not a sign of weakness to admit when you’re overwhelmed.
Talking openly about family dynamics, even when things get tough, can really help children navigate their own relationships and grasp how complex human interactions can be. When moms and dads share stories about conflicts or the ups and downs in their own relationships, it teaches kids that every relationship has its struggles and that it’s normal to face difficulties.
#25
That “girls don’t get ADHD” when I got a diagnosis for it.
Surprise Surprise I have ADHD (and I’m a women) I spent the majority of my adult life extremely depressed because I felt I didn’t “fit in” with regular people, always felt like a freak.
I’m now in my late 30’s and I’m finally learning about symptoms and you know what? I can actually accept it.
Yeah I still have dark days but at least I can understand the reasoning behind it rather than just feeling broken.
So yeah thanks for that parents!
#26
Autism and adhd diagnoses hidden from me until I was in mid thirties. Let me tell ya, there’s suspecting it, then there’s knowing it.
#27
I should have had a hip operation when I was a teen. I was in low key pain throughout my child hood and thought it was normal. I’ve now got end stage osteoarthritis in my 40s.
Flooding in periods was normal. Using a nighttime pad for the first 4 days of your period is completely normal. Soaking it within 2 hours was normal. Apparently they didn’t want me on contraceptives.
While parents may lie or keep secrets out of love, there are some truths that children, especially as they become adults, deserve to know. Transparency about health, finances, and personal struggles can equip children with the knowledge they need to live healthier, more informed lives. So, if you’re a parent, consider what secrets you might be keeping and whether it’s time to have that important conversation with your kids.
#28
That I had a twin and my parents gave her up for adoption. Found out at 20!
#29
My dad is gay. Found out after my parents had been married for twenty years with five kids.
#30
I’m 45 years old. I was diagnosed on the autism spectrum in 7th grade, and I was never told.
Woulda been soooooo handy to have the ADA backing me up when I had to deal with s****y bosses. I might’ve actually been able to build a future from the get-go instead of a neverending string of terminations for s**t that I didn’t or couldn’t understand, and not come to the realization that I will never be able to retire. I will either die in the workforce or have to go on disability (and that’s harder and harder to get too) to not work at the end of my life.
#31
My mother always told me that my father had died a few months before I was born. I believed this until I was in my mid thirties and I found my father on Facebook.
#32
That my mom became (effectively permanently) mentally ill from her pregnancy with me — bipolar disorder + paranoia, possibly paranoid schizophrenia.
#33
I have an uncle who’s slightly older than me. Growing up, my grandpa always treated like c**p.
Soon after my grandpa died, me & my dad are driving & he stop in a little shopping center asks if i knew why my grandpa was so hard on my uncle & when i said no, my dad pointed to a man who looked exactly like my uncle standing outside a 711 & said “that’s his real dad”
My grandpa always suspected but never knew. Now everyone knows but my uncle.
#34
Not as crazy as some of these stories. And I’m unsure my parents actually knew. My feeling is they did and just forgot.
One day I was at my dentist and a new hygienist was going to clean my teeth. I was around 18 or 19. She’s lowering me down and says “if you feel light headed, let me know”
I thought “that’s odd. Why would she ask that?”
So I questioned her, and she said it’s on my medical file that I have “orthostatic hypotension”.
I was like “what the heck is that?” She said “you have low blood pressure, and are susceptible to black outs and fainting.”
I said “so is that why I start to black out if I sit up from the couch too fast?” And she said “exactly”
My entire schooling suddenly clicked into place. Why I did so poorly at sports, especially in high school. I’d start to get lightheaded when doing team sports. Especially outside in the hot sun. My vision would get super tunnel vision. I’d get dizzy and I’d start to lose control of my limbs, making me prone to tripping and falling.
Information that would have been handy to my gym teachers. A couple who thought I was just lazy.
I asked her where they got that from. She said it was forwarded by my family doctor.
I asked my parents about it. Annoyed that they never told me. They didn’t know what I was talking about.
Either they were told and forgot or didn’t pay it any mind. Or my doctor didn’t tell anyone and just added it to my medical record.
Would have been helpful to know.
#35
My parents had a child out of wedlock. Gave her up for adoption. She found us after our mother passed, dad was long since estranged. Nobody in our family said a word. I was able to confirm this with my aunt, who said she’s been holding that secret for 50 years.
I’m glad we found each other.
We didn’t do a dna test. She looks just like my brother.
She doesn’t want anything other than to know her brothers.
#36
The concept of consent. Turns out girls and women ARE allowed to say “no”.
#37
I don’t know if this counts but my mum had an incurable lung disease (basically it made her lungs grow while also dying and damaging other organs) and on my 18th birthday she had some sort of attack where she could breathe in but not out and was rushed to the hospital.
Four months later she died the night before Christmas and I’m quite sure she knew she was dying. I think they told her on my birthday.
But we loved watching documentaries etc together and several years before she told me that if she found out she was dying she wouldn’t tell anyone.
Looking back I’m not sure if I would’ve wanted to know, I think some part of me knew.
There are things I’m thankful for though, her biggest fear was rotting away in a hospital bed, instead she had just eaten her favourite food at my grandmas and she had met my youngest cousin for the first time (she absolutely adored her nephews and nieces).
She died in my grandma’s arms, which I’m kinda glad about but at the same time it was extremely traumatic for my grandma. We lived in another city and my grandma had no idea how sick she actually was.
#38
I recently started having issues with my blood sugar, which is odd because there’s no family history.
Or so I thought. One day in conversation my grandmother _casually_ mentions how her uncle would take off his leg to whack the kids when he was mad. I was like holdup, what happened to his leg?
Turns out 4/5 of my grandmother’s aunts/uncles, and my great grandmother herself, had diabetes AND all lost a limb from it.
What’s even funnier is that I had specifically asked my grandma about the family history, and she told me “no one ever had that!”. Guess she changed her mind a few months later lol.
#39
Never met my dad. Turns out he was a schizophrenic d**g a****t. Guess who’s schizophrenic now.
#40
One of my best friend’s father hit on my mother all the time while we were at school. She finally told my father. It didn’t end well for my friend’s father. My friend wasn’t allowed to come over anymore and he wouldn’t talk to me anymore at school. At that age, I didn’t know what happened and wouldn’t understand anyways. I thought he hated me for some reason. I cried over it… I missed my friend.
#41
Just found out yesterday that my family is more susceptible to getting blood clots in your legs (which can then travel to your lungs). My grandma had a problem with it, my uncle died from it, and I only found out because my dad died yesterday from it. My aunt just happened to mention that they all take baby aspirin to prevent it. F**k I wish I would’ve known that sooner!
#42
My uncle, grandfather, and grandmother were alcoholics on my dad’s side. 2 died from it.
They told me AFTER years of drinking took me to my first 30 day inpatient rehab. They told me on “visitation day”.
I can’t say knowing any sooner would have given me a different outcome, but a heads up would have been appreciated.
7 years sober now – get help if you or anyone you know has an a*******n.
Edit: I have one 2.5 yo daughter and she’ll be told when she gets older.
#43
My mom had a long involvement with psychiatry, starting with institutionalization in a state hospital (think “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”) about ten years before I was born.
#44
Unfortunately, there’s secrets that were never revealed.
Family diseases was a well kept secret in my grandparents generation (and probably earlier) and I would want to travel back and say:
“You IDIOTS! If we know, we are being able to do something about it! There’s medicines and medical procedures that can make you live a normal life in the future!”
I adored my grand parents, but this makes me furious.
#45
Apparently, my mom had s*x with my dad’s best friend around the time I was conceived.
The only reason I know is said person broke down crying to me about how he never knew if I was his or my dad’s.
#46
I’m autistic lol. My mum took me to get the tests when I was little because I was struggling and she wanted to help me. Was almost formally diagnosed but then Dad flipped his lid and threatened everybody in my family to keep quiet. I think not only did he not want me to be pigeonholed, he also couldn’t accept that something was ‘wrong’ with me.
I found out when I was 26, after both my parents had died.
#47
I have a cute one, actually.
I go by my initials and have done since birth. My older brother struggled to say my legal name, so my parents went with my initials and it stuck. As far as I knew that was my name.
In second grade, we were practicing our signatures. My teacher saw the periods in my name and said “Oh! Those are initials. Do you know what they stand for?”
I didn’t. I started crying and worried over it for the rest of the day. When I got home, I ran to my mum and asked her if I had another name. She said “Oops. I guess we forgot!” then told me the whole story.
I don’t blame them for forgetting. My older brother is disabled and they were having a lot of trouble. Plus, dad was starting a business and things were just hectic. For all intents and purposes, my initials were and still are my name.
TLDR: I didn’t know my full legal name until I was 7.
#48
My brother was shot and k**led in Koreatown as a result of gang violence. Didn’t find out until two years later.
#49
My mother told me CASUALLY last year that years ago when she was married to her second husband (that was when i was 12), she called the police on him once because he threatened her and refused to let her leave and the swat team surrounded the house demanding to release her. I was so shocked about this information and wanted to more but she was like “meh, its not that important” and she ended the conversation. I guess it’s important to me to see the stuff my mom put up with him before she left him.
#50
How little my dad wanted me.
I was adopted at birth, largely bc my mom WANTED at least one kid and to quote my dad, he “didn’t really want kids but [my] mom did, so we compromised and got you!”
At the time, it was a cute, funny story, but the older I get, the worse the feeling gets.
#51
I grew up thinking my grandpa was in the hospital for a long time. As an adult I learned he had been convicted of doing something with two hs age boys. I was devastated.
#52
Grandad suffered with depression and committed s*****e.
Me in my late 30’s: oh I wonder what all those depressive thoughts were about….
#53
My dad was an a****t.
For years we (brothers, sister and myself) were told that he had severe back pain. Something to do with cartilage.
Years after he died my mom found an old stash of the pills he had (three whole freezer bags of them) and I mentioned that Dad never got surgery so he could be better permanently.
My mom just casually mentions, “oh your dad never had anything wrong with him, he just liked his high”.
Record scratch.
#54
That my grandmother died while I was studying abroad. They waited until I got back to tell me. She was buried and had the funeral and everything.
#55
My mom was my dad’s second wife. His first wife didn’t stay long and annulled the marriage. They didn’t have any kids together. I didn’t know this until after my dad passed away. She was never mentioned but my mom decided to tell the family one day a few days after his funeral.
#56
My dad recently told me that, not only did my grandmother die of a blood clot, but so did her dad, both brothers, and her aunt. Albeit none of them were in shape when they died. Luckily I am in my 20s and I still have time to improve my lifestyle.
On my mom’s side, I wasn’t aware how intense the mental health issues were. Most of my family members have depression, anxiety, ocd, and / or a*******n issues.
#57
That putting salt on food makes it taste better.
They were born in post war Europe and was quite poor, and some habits just stuck, I guess. Don’t waste good salt by putting it on your eggs.
Not as bad as the majority of posts in this thread, but still.
Salt on food is important.
#58
A major reason that my mom and dad separated was that my dad was a serial cheater. I didn’t find out until I was 19.
#59
Adults are all faking it. No one really knows wtf is going on.
#60
It is actually not illegal to drive with the overhead light on….
#61
That I had an aunt that my great-grandmother raised as hers when in actuality it was a child conceived in a sexual a*****t committed against my grandmother. I found out when my aunt died.
#62
Food. Grew up malnourished with a father that was 140lbs overweight.
#63
That my uncle was cheating, or cheated, on my aunt even before my cousins were born. I was oblivious to this until last year when I overheard them talking about past experiences with my other aunts. How horrifying it must be, to finally be married with the love of your life only to discover from another wife that your husband is apparently still married to other women. 20+ years later since being married, and this guy still has the nerve to cheat on my aunt.
You really do unlock special info, that you’re oblivious to as a kid, when you reach 20s.
#64
I don’t know how important it is in the grand scheme of things, but I was an adult when I learned that I had two older brothers who didn’t survive early life. I spent a long time thinking about how it could have been to not be the oldest. I wonder if it would have changed the dynamic I have with the brothers I have now. Just a lot to ponder.
#65
My mother’s second s*****e attempt. I knew about the first one, which happened when I was in the 7th grade. I didn’t find out about the second one until she was hospitalized with her third one.
#66
I’ve no proof but I suspect my 2 oldest siblings are not actually my mum & dad’s kids. They emigrated to the UK decades ago when checks were more lax & Britain needed more labour resources. They brought 2 kids with them, then had 4 more in UK. The 4 younger ones all look like each other, have very similar traits & resemble mums features a lot. The older 2 look nothing like the younger 4 at all, or like my parents.
#67
Found out my grandmother had a brother she never told anyone about after she died. There are cousins on that side too. There’s a lovely family history of alienation, favoritism, and secrets… Evidently it’s multigenerational.
#68
That I was actually only half-siblings with my 3 oldest siblings.
They didn’t even told me, my brother slipped up. I think if he hadn’t, my mother would have never told me. I had been dating a woman with a daughter for awhile and everyone always said how I “took on” her daughter, then on a call my brother said “the only think I respect dad for was taking on 3 kids” “hang on.. taking on?” Then it clicked.
Now I know, I think it is pretty obvious. There’s 5 of us, the eldest 3 and then me and my full sister are the two youngest. 8 years between us and the eldest ones, me and my sister are both short, the other three are pretty tall, different eye colours etc but was never something I thought about.
My mother has sworn me to secrecy from my sister who still doesn’t know, so I doubt she will ever know.
#69
My dad wanted my sister and I to write frequently to an uncle who was in jail since before we were born. He was in jail for molesting a child..
#70
Paternal grandfather who died when I was 9 s**ually a**sed his daughters (my aunts), physically abused his sons (my father and uncle) and may have even introduced them to p**n at a young age to make sure they weren’t gay.
All I knew growing up was that my grandparents had divorced and my grandmother was very angry – moved all the way across the country and hated my dad forever for wanting to go back to his dad to finish high school. It was considered disloyal to hisom and the girls.
My aunts mostly didn’t talk to me until I was in my 20s. They avoided our family. And I never met my grandmother and her new husbands (2) until I was 26+ years old.
#71
The mental health and substance abuse issues that run in our family. My parents d**g talk was “don’t do d***s they’re bad.” I’m not sure if I would have been more cautious regarding d**g experimentation… but a heads up would of been nice. Nearly my entire family likes to pretend that no one has any problems. ~14 years clean I know what safeguards to take.
#72
Possible ‘giftedness’. Apparently my dad told me I was supposed to skip a whole grade and I didn’t find this out until I was an adult. I also found out one of the classes I was later in was a grade ahead compared to other school districts. I didn’t understand why I struggled in that particular class much more compared to my other classes, I just thought I was dumb honestly. I started having horrible mental health issues as young as age 12 and couldn’t figure out why and always felt different, I thought it was normal for a 7 year old to want to already own their own shop/small business. School work came easier and I never learned to study well either until I hit a major road block. Now it honestly adds up.
#73
I was born with a cleft palate and I had surgery as a newborn baby. The doctors used non-absorbable sutures and they failed to remove all of that from my mouth.
My parents decided to keep this as a secret from me and when I was 9 or 10 years old I saw something like a sewing thread hanging from the roof of my mouth.
Now, it’s very funny but I was extremely scared at that moment.
#74
Not necessarily something both parents hid, but something my mother hid for a long time. That she almost k**led both me and herself, driving drunk and high on c*****e back in the ’80s, when I was a kid. She has a lot more issues than she’ll ever admit.
My parents also didn’t just split up, she left my father when he was away on a fishing trip and took me with her halfway across the country. I was only 2, so I didn’t really know what was going on, just that I missed my dad. We were in this severe car accident along the way, where she claimed the wind was pushing the car off the road and according to her, due to a design flaw in the car it became unstable and flipped over several times. I was not buckled into my car seat and was ejected from the car. This was a sports GT car, not a top heavy Ford Explorer. And of course it wasn’t designed to be driven at high speed off road, it was a car.
I had several skull fractures and had to stay in the hospital for several weeks. According to her, my father never came to see me in the hospital. She said she had left him because “he was more interested in partying than being a father.” I was so young that I didn’t really remember much of the hospital except for looking up at the ceiling for hours and wanting to go home.
I started questioning her story, to myself, when about ten years ago she was arrested on the side of the road and nearly got a DUI. She didn’t submit to the sobriety test and was hauled off to jail for the night. There was no way for her to control the story this time because I was the one who bailed her out. And when I did, I surprisingly learned from the police that she had had a DUI back when I was a kid. This was very different from the way she portrayed herself. And they had video from the more recent arrest that did not look like she was walking sober. I didn’t shove this in her face because I’d already lived with 30+ years of her never wanting to talk about anything that would be her fault, her always being defensive, and sometimes verbally a*****e when confronted with situations that were in any way her fault.
With how anxious and depressed I was back then, I might have not pursued it further, but more cracks started to appear in her stories. She lost her license for a year, so she asked my brother and me to secretly drive her to and from work so that her coworkers and boss didn’t find out about her arrest. During that time she also had to stay at my house some nights so that we weren’t always making the longer trip back to her house. And during that time I was confronted with how much she was drinking. According to her, she’d just have a couple of drinks at the end of the day “to relax.” But she’d go to the local bar with friends and get dropped off wasted. One of these times I actually got her to admit that she had a drinking problem. Never admitted it sober and later basically denied that it happened.
Our relationship eroded further and further. There was a time when my wife and I hosted Thanksgiving and my mother got drunk. When I politely tried to serve her some water, she was staring daggers at me and stormed out, forcing my brother to drive her home.
I didn’t have the courage to ask my dad about the accident until this past year. And apparently it wasn’t just some car defect, she was drunk and high on c*****e. She basically left my father because she missed being spoiled by her father, which honestly lines up with how things went when I was growing up. And my dad did come to see me in the hospital. I was there for six weeks and he slept in my grandparents’ room on a cot.
My mother also got the state involved in seeking faster child support which actually ended up slowing down the payments. I learned that my dad then offered to raise me but my mother refused. She never told me about that either.
This was a big revelation to me. It’s one of those surprising but also not surprising things you learn that turns your whole world around. When you find out that a lot of your early story is lies and you did have a parent who wanted you, and not just as something to control.
As of about six years ago, I no longer speak to my mother.
#75
We were almost rich. My parents had invested near 50K into a big w**d crop back in the 80s-early 90s, the return on investment would have been tenfold, then it got raided. Thankfully the guy who was running the whole thing burned the records pre-raid so the cops had no idea who was backing it.