Living with one’s partner can often come with a whole host of possible risks, for example, the daily domestic disputes about the trash, the laundry and even the dishes can end up undermining a relationship. So this is why it’s best to at least discuss who does what and when.
A woman asked the internet if she was wrong to stop doing her boyfriend’s laundry in retaliation for him making backhanded comments about how she does chores. We reached out to the woman who posted the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:Chores can be time consuming and annoying, particularly if you are the only one doing them
So one woman decided to let her BF do his own laundry
Taking care of a household is a lot of work
Some folks don’t do household chores, not because they’re physically incapable, but because they’ve internalized a set of expectations that quietly excuse them from participating. Whether it’s a belief that domestic labor isn’t “real work,” or simply that their partner is “just better at it,” the result is the same: one partner ends up doing far more, often without acknowledgment. To be fair, it’s nearly impossible to actually split all the chores perfectly in half. Indeed, a couple may waste more time ensuring a “perfect” split than is really worth it at the end of the day. However, more often than not, there is just one member of the household, often the man, who simply does a lot less.
A lot of this behavior is learned. Some boys grow up in homes where their mothers handled everything from laundry to cooking, while fathers were praised for occasionally helping at best. That kind of modeling can reinforce the idea that chores are inherently “women’s work,” and so, when these boys grow up, they don’t see household tasks as their responsibility. Instead, they assume the home just kind of runs itself, with their partner quietly keeping everything in order like a background app. A common outcome of this is that they never learn how to do these tasks, so their partner has to balance needing to “teach” and correct over just doing the chore themselves.
Another layer is what people call the “mental load”, the invisible labor of planning meals, remembering appointments, knowing when to buy toilet paper, or organizing the kids’ school stuff. Even if a man occasionally helps with the dishes or vacuums once a week, if he’s not taking on any of that mental weight, his partner is still doing most of the work. And over time, that imbalance can lead to serious resentment. While it’s nice if he does these things now and then, the fact is that she can’t rely on it and, therefore, can’t plan for it.
Some men need to just grow up and pick up a mop
Sometimes, the excuse is “I just didn’t notice it needed doing.” But that’s not a pass. If you notice your phone needs charging or your car needs gas, you can notice the trash is overflowing. It’s about attention, not ability. In relationships, shared space means shared effort. Choosing not to notice messes or chores doesn’t mean they don’t exist, it just means someone else is forced to care for both of you. Interestingly, she says that it took him multiple days to notice that, surprise surprise, his clothes were still dirty.
Ultimately, refusing to participate equally in household chores isn’t about incompetence, it’s about priorities and accountability. This is why this sort of thing is often called “weaponized incompetence,” where a person refuses to learn so they aren’t asked to do more “work” in the future. Relationships function best when both partners show up, not just emotionally or financially, but practically. Picking up a mop, scrubbing a toilet, or planning a grocery run might not be glamorous, but it is part of the deal. Respecting your partner means helping carry the weight, not just watching them struggle with it.
Unfortunately, in this story, the man, instead, bites the hand that feeds and complains to his mother. This is generally a bad look even when one’s complaints are more legitimate. Some folks complained about her even staying with a man like this, who, after almost three decades of life, can’t seem to pick up after himself. It’s a pretty embarrassing look.
Most thought she was absolutely in the right
Some readers thought she was already allowing too much to slide
A few folks shared similar stories
