There’s awkward and then there’s your “girlfriend’s 11-year-old son guarding her bedroom like it’s the Pentagon” awkward. Imagine trying to enjoy a romantic evening, only to be interrupted by a pint-sized night watchman, glaring at you for daring to cuddle with his mom.
That’s the situation today’s Original Poster (OP) found himself tangled in during a seemingly innocent family vacation with his girlfriend and one of her two kids. And this left the OP wondering if that level of clinginess is normal or a red flag wrapped in a Spider-Man blanket.
More info: Reddit
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The author has a girlfriend who had two kids, including an eleven year-old son who insists on sleeping in her bed
One night, the son saw him and his girlfriend being intimate and he threw a forty-five-minute tantrum
On another occasion, the author went to the bathroom in the middle of night and noticed the son staring into their room and monitoring them
Every time the son would throw a tantrum, the girlfriend would leave the author to sleep with the son, and that baffled him because she couldn’t set any boundaries with him
The OP explained that his girlfriend has two children, including an eleven year-old son who insists on sleeping in her bed. His girlfriend allowed it, and typically kept her bedroom door wide open at night per his request. Once, when the OP spent the night, the son banged on his own bed for hours until the girlfriend eventually left him to go sleep with her son.
This wasn’t just a one-time fluke. On a recent vacation, the son demanded the master bedroom door stay open, and by night two, he’d snuck downstairs and caught the OP and his girlfriend getting intimate. What followed was a 45-minute meltdown of shouting and sobbing. He was inconsolable, and so the girlfriend slept on the couch with him.
Another night, the OP went to the bathroom only to see the son awake, sitting up, and listening—waiting and staring down the hallway. When the OP closed the bedroom door for a bit of privacy, the son burst in, screaming. Again, the girlfriend grabbed her pillow and bolted to the couch where he should’ve been sleeping. Then, they both went upstairs together, leaving the OP alone.
The OP clarified that the son has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, and so he observed that his girlfriend struggled to set firm boundaries with him. However, he is now wondering if it’s too much.
To better understand the unsettling dynamic between the OP, his girlfriend, and her 11-year-old son, We spoke to clinical psychologist Florence Okezie, who explained that the boy’s behavior might be rooted in emotional insecurity.
“A child who monitors or interrupts a parent’s private life at night is often expressing deep anxiety or attachment insecurity,” she noted, adding that this could stem from a need for control, jealousy, difficulty with boundaries, or unmet emotional needs.
She also emphasized that, while some level of closeness is normal at younger ages, regularly co-sleeping with a parent at 11 or 12 can disrupt important developmental milestones.
“At this age, children are usually starting to form their identities. Their independence starts to increase and they even start to require privacy,” she explained, noting that frequent co-sleeping therefore signals deeper problems like trauma or separation anxiety. It also puts a strain on the parent’s ability to maintain healthy adult relationships.
When asked about how a romantic partner should respond to feeling like a low priority, Okezie affirmed that setting boundaries is not only fair—it’s necessary. “Partners should feel safe to express when they’re feeling emotionally sidelined,” she explained.
“It’s not about choosing between the child or the partner, but creating space for both by setting developmentally-informed boundaries without ultimatums.”
In relationships where parenting challenges create emotional distance, the key, according to Okezie, is respectful communication. “Balance and mutual respect are crucial,” she added, stressing that adults in blended families need to work together to uphold boundaries that support both the child’s growth and the couple’s connection.
Netizens expressed deep concern and alarm over the unhealthy dynamic between the girlfriend and her son, advising the OP to reconsider staying in the relationship. They also pointed out that while the situation may have underlying psychological causes, the girlfriend’s inability to set healthy boundaries is the more urgent issue.
What do you think about this situation? Is this kind of attachment normal at nearly 12 years old, or are boundaries way overdue? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that the behavior of the son was weird, and that the author should rethink the relationship
