People may have different definitions of friendship, but most would likely agree that a friend is someone you can turn to when you find yourself in a tricky situation.
Well, for this redditor, a friend (a girlfriend’s friend, to be more exact) was the person who put him in such a situation. What started as a fun birthday lunch, didn’t take long to turn sour, so the OP had no other choice but to call a buddy of his own – someone he knew he could trust to get him out of the pickle.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find We’s interview with psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, and author of I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives, F. Diane Barth, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about friendship.
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What being a good friend means might differ for each person
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Although what people look for in a friend differs from person to person, some desired qualities seem to be somewhat universal. According to Statista’s data, the main qualities people look for in close friends are loyalty and decency, followed by being reliable and liking them back. Lastly, though not least importantly, they want their friends to be fun, too.
Talking about what makes a good friend, psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, and author ofI Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives, F. Diane Barth seconded the idea that what the word entails might differ for each person. “A person we are comfortable with is important. A person who is respectful of us and other people is also important. But other qualities depend on the individual,” she said.
“Some good friends can be loud and outgoing and others quiet and shy. Some can be generous but others can be stingy. You don’t have to agree about everything for someone to be your friend. So I would say mutual respect and caring are key.”
Seeking to avoid any misunderstandings regarding money and being viewed as stingy or generous, the OP and his girlfriend’s friend came to an agreement that they will be paying separately. The fact that they didn’t—and that said friend decided to dine and dash—suggests that she wasn’t very respectful nor caring of her friends.
Of course, there’s always a chance that something unexpected happened; that something stood in the way of the friend letting the OP know that she couldn’t or wouldn’t be coming back to pay for her meal. However, in such situations, it’s important for friends to talk it out.
“This question looks easy but it’s actually more complicated than it seems,” Barth said, discussing whether or not a true friend would leave their buddy in trouble. “Sometimes, a good friend has no choice but to leave. Sometimes, it’s actually better for the friend to leave. What’s most important is that the friends find a way to talk about what happened so that they can understand each other’s point of view.”
Sometimes, ending a friendship can be the healthy thing to do
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While friendships are clearly important, sometimes it might be better to cut some of them short. For instance, when a buddy repeatedly leaves you in trouble, or engages in other behavior that doesn’t coincide with being a good friend.
“When you evaluate a friendship and find that it no longer works or, more importantly, that it is harmful to you, it’s important to leave,” Barth said, adding that it’s important to try and talk about what’s happening first; though, that might not always be possible. “Friendships grow and change. Being wise means evaluating the friendships from time to time to make sure it’s still working for you.”
As much as we’d like to maintain all the friendships we’ve developed throughout life, it might not be possible—especially if we see that they no longer work. Research on friendship suggests that people have limited time, resources, and energy to invest in them, which makes it all the more important to choose the right connections to invest in.
According to Pew Research Center, the largest share (38%) of people have five or more close friends they tend to dedicate their time and attention to. Close to one-in-five have three main friends, 14% have two, 7% have one close friend, and 8% have none.
By the looks of it, the dining and dashing incident didn’t change the number of friends the OP’s girlfriend had—in the comments under the post, he shared that the two were seemingly still friends even after the birthday lunch. He also provided more details about the situation, while fellow netizens shared their thoughts on the story.
Some netizens criticized the OP and his friend for doing donuts in the parking area
People shared their two cents in the comments
