Spending time with family can be a chance to unwind, reconnect, and create lasting memories, but for many teens, it can also mean being pulled into roles they never agreed to. For some, family gatherings don’t always feel like a break; they feel like work.
This was the reality for today’s Original Poster (OP), who recently turned down a cabin trip with her relatives because she was tired of being treated as the default babysitter. After years of being expected to entertain or supervise younger children during family events while the adults relaxed, she decided to set a boundary.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:For many families, caregiving isn’t always asked, it’s expected—and more often than not, that expectation quietly falls on the girls
Last year, the author joined her dad, uncle, and two male cousins for a week at the family cabin, where she was expected to entertain the younger kids
This year, only her 9-year-old cousin is going, and the uncle invited her again, but she declined
She explained that she didn’t want to be stuck babysitting all weekend while the adults relaxed, like last time
Her grandma criticized her decision, but she stood firm, feeling it was unfair to always be given childcare duties
Last summer, the OP went on a week-long trip to their family cabin with her dad, uncle, and two male cousins. Another younger cousin didn’t come along but was promised a visit this year. Now, the uncle plans to take just the youngest cousin over Memorial Day weekend, inviting the OP’s family to join.
While her dad agreed to go, the OP declined the invitation. The main reason she refused was because she noticed a pattern; whenever kids are around, the men expect her to babysit or entertain them. She recounted an experience where some young girls visited the cabin in the previous year and she was stuck playing with them while the men relaxed.
She admitted that she’s not a fan of kids, especially not bratty ones, and resents being the automatic babysitter. So, on Mother’s Day, when asked why she wasn’t going, the OP explained that she didn’t want to babysit all weekend while the men had fun. The grandma argued it was mean to refuse, insisting she should want to bond with her cousin.
Girls are often socialized into caregiving roles from a young age, as Caremakers acknowledge. They explain that this is often due to a mix of cultural norms, family dynamics, and early modeling. Families frequently assign caregiving tasks to daughters early in life, reinforcing traits like responsibility, maturity, and nurturing.
Psychology Today then affirms that constantly being placed in this role can take a serious toll, as it may lead to emotional exhaustion, blurred or weak personal boundaries, and growing feelings of resentment or frustration. Over time, this imbalance can affect mental well-being, especially when the support given is taken for granted, or expected rather than appreciated.
Research from Developmental Science explains that adults frequently misunderstand teenagers’ desire for autonomy when they set boundaries, often confusing it with rebellion or disrespect. This misinterpretation leads adults to respond dismissively or even punitively to normal developmental behaviors.
Additionally, adults’ own experiences, often shaped by upbringings that prioritized compliance over independence, can make it harder for them to support teens’ growing need for self-direction. Cultural and societal norms that emphasize obedience and authority further complicate recognizing autonomy as a healthy and necessary part of adolescent growth.
Netizens supported the OP’s decision to skip the trip, urging her to stand her ground. They also pointed out the unfairness of expecting her to shoulder childcare duties simply because she’s a girl, questioning why adult men and even the grandmother accepted this imbalance without acknowledging its impact.
If you were in the OP’s shoes, would you have gone on the trip or stayed home, too? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens applauded the author for standing her ground, despite the fact that she’s a teenager, and urged her not to tolerate caregiving roles
