Most of us would assume we actually know the people we stick close to. After all, who would be friends with someone who doesn’t treat you well, or, worse, is just a nasty person? As it turns out, many people have discovered that they didn’t actually know someone as well as they thought they did all too late.
We’ve gathered stories from people who came to the heartbreaking realization that someone they thought was a friend was actually a horrible person. So settle in as you scroll through, upvote the most interesting ones and be sure to share your own experiences in the comments section below.
#1
When I stopped reaching out or checking in first . No one has checked in on me in months even though they new exactly what ive been going through.
#2
When I became disabled and they disappeared.
#3
People can like you, but not care about you. It was eye opening the day I learned that.
#4
When I realised I was an afterthought.
#5
When we were in 7th grade, a girl in our friend group was hospitalized for a serious condition. I went down to visit her several times with my dad, brought her a Frappuccino etc. One Saturday, I showed up with my dad with her frappe and there was all the other girls visiting her. It sucked knowing I wasn’t invited as a part of the group. I just assumed all the rest were going down alone with their parents as well. They were all very awkward and stand-offish towards me at the hospital, including the mom who brought them all down to visit.
Shortly after, the entire group stopped texting me or answering my phone calls. I would call the sick girl’s landline and ask for her and you could tell her mom or sister who answered the phone asked if she wanted to speak to me then pretended my friend wasn’t there and she’d call me back. She never called me back. So I stopped texting them or calling them after that. None of them ever tried to contact me except years later one of them tried to friend me on Facebook but I declined. Not sure what I did wrong.
#6
I nearly died, was in the hospital seriously injured, then was in a wheelchair for months. I’m fully healed now, but anyone who didn’t reach out to me during that time is no longer considered a friend. I do not reach out on their birthdays or holidays. It seems like they haven’t even noticed.
#7
I moved countries. 6 months in, I realised while I’d been calling them every week, they hadn’t called me once. I decided to stop calling them and wait for them to ring me. Haven’t heard from any of them for 2 months and counting.
#8
Had what I thought was a very close, friend. Believed him to be an honorable person.
But… When I saw a coworker at a restaurant. He pulled me aside and told me my so called friend was s**t talking about me. I couldn’t believe it.
I helped him fix his home. Built his deck. Spoke highly of him and his wife.
The coworker called over another guy and he confirmed the story.
Heart breaking to say the least.
#9
Realized people weren’t my friends when they put in more work to put me down than lift me up. Also seeing how they would turn against me around others. I cut everyone off and I stay away from people as much as I can now.
#10
When I chose to stop reaching out to see how long it would take them to do it. They didnt.
#11
After I lost my best friend I started drinking quite a lot. After trying to take a break my friends persuaded me to go out for a friends birthday. After being encouraged to drink loads before we went into town, I ended up drinking so much I could barely walk. Saying I was going to go home, obviously when everyone’s having fun..that wasn’t going to happen. Long story short we had to pull over in the taxi so I could be sick. Basically I was told another taxi would get me and take me home. I was left passed out on the side of the road in a bush. No phone, no money (my friends accidentally took it with them) and nothing but a little dress I was wearing. All I remember was the taxi never showed, woke up with my dress around my waist. And sadly at the time being depressed and s******l, I can only remember trying to jump infront of cars. Until ‘apparently’ these 2 women found me and somehow managed to drive me home back to my mum safely. Then to have my stuff dropped off the next day by a friend. About 10 of my friends left me almost half naked, unconscious, mentally unstable and with no money/contacts to get home. Didn’t even get an apology as ‘it was my own fault’.
My long a*s story of when I realised my ‘friends’ weren’t who I thought they were.
P.s. in a better place now with completely new and real friends 🤣🤷🏻♀️.
#12
When I realised I was getting burnt out from seeing them or hearing from them. They would always come to me and would constantly have problems, never want to do anything fun. Always ask for a lift or money, etc, without paying me back. It was like I was an ATM and chauffeur. One of my so-called friends actually tried to make me feel bad for being unable to drive him somewhere at the drop of a hat because I was more than 70 miles away at the time.
#13
When you feel better away from them than with them.
#14
When I saw the separate group chat by accident.
#15
When I quit drinking.
#16
They started saying “Libtards” unironically and sent me an uncomfortable amount of Ben Shapiro memes, also unironically.
#17
When they started to become racist to people of color. Pretty much dropped them after that.
#18
At age 22 when my father died and only one of them showed up to the funeral. I immediately wrote the others off.
#19
I have always been the *foster friend*
Aka their friend until they get their s**t together and no longer need me.
I realised when no one could be bothered to celebrate my 30th birthday… Now I keep a few “friends” but they’re really just acquaintances who also ignore my birthday every year.
#20
When I heard my so-called “friends” talking trash about me behind my back. I always advise people now **look at the pattern of actions people do, not their words, to see their true feelings.**.
#21
I stopped caring. It’s not that it didn’t bother me, I just found purpose in things other than maintaining friendships all of the time. I have real hobbies now. I make time for a few people throughout the years and I keep to myself. I’m a lot happier now.
#22
When it’s “all about them.”
If you really want to see who your true friends are: Screw up or go through a challenging time – then see who sticks around.
#23
My wife actually enlightened me as to how my best friend of 20 years had been sabotaging me behind my back because of some ego competition that I didn’t even know I was a part of. Luckily I had already moved to another city for work and I just stopped putting any effort into continuing the relationship.
Edit: I forgot to mention that at one point he was actually trying to hit on her. He wasn’t even into her he just didn’t want me to “win”. On the flip side I didn’t know there was a competition to win and was just interested in my wife cause she’s awesome. We’ve been happily married 8 years during which time I’ve talked to my “friend” less and less to the point where we are pretty much no contact now.
#24
When I stopped drinking and realised that I didn’t like them 😳.
#25
When I saw them talking trash about other people behind their backs. If they did it to random people, they’ll do it to me too. And sure enough, they did.
#26
Mine happened when I moved 7 hours away, and not one of the people I hung out with, daily, ever came here to see me. It’s been 18 years. I ALWAYS made the effort, and it was never returned. They would go to the big city in our state, but never tell me they were there. I always saw them going everywhere except where I was.
#27
When he started seeing a new girlfriend who, for reasons known only to herself, hated me on sight. He decided that s*x with her was more important than our 20 year friendship and stopped spending any time with me. He didn’t defend me to her, didn’t try to get us to get to know each other. Just ‘she doesn’t like you I don’t know why’ and that was that.
NGL, it hurt. We’d been on holidays abroad together and everything. 20 years gone in a shrug.
They’ve broken up recently after five years in a rocky, fraught relationship. I’m trying not to be pleased. I’m sad that he is now sad, but he broke my heart.
#28
I moved out of the country for a year for a job and none of them reached out to me. And none of them seemed to care when I came back.
#29
When I separated from my husband and needed girl friend support more than ever but they all pulled away instead. After nearly 25 years of friendship.
#30
Just paying attention to the relationship they have with others and how I’m treated it all makes sense now.
#31
When times are hard…they are nowhere.
#32
I went to have dinner with my friend after not talking for a couple months due to being busy with work. I asked if anything new happened since I last talked to her. Her eyes lit up and asked if I had heard about happened to a mutual friend. She proceeded to tell me in great detail about how our mutual friend went through a horrible breakup and how devastated our friend was feeling with a smile on her face. It was chilling to sit there and watch my friend’s demeanor change from nonchalance to glee while recounting someone else’s misery. I no longer speak to this friend.
#33
When they went travelling without me. I think late teens/ early 20s can be a horrific awakening for many. You see people who grew up with different lights, and their behaviour can shock you.
But it’s a pretty hard cold lesson in life. Everyone is out for themselves. And unless it’s your parents or somebody madly in love with you, then don’t expect people to have your back or truly care about you.
#34
When I told a “friend” I was busy supporting my mother through a hard time, he harped on me and attacked me for not being available for him and what he was going through, offered no advice to my situation, never even asked about anything in my life, always spamming me with messages about his life and wanting me to respond, when he did nothing of the sort in return. I’m not interested in being talked at, and people needing constant comfort and reassurance.
#35
When you start doing well for yourself, you see who is actually happy and proud of gou. But you also see some who clearly is not happy that you are where you are. It’s a crazy thing.
#36
When my disability onset. I couldn’t do most of the things I used to. Lots of friends didn’t stick around.
#37
I decided to mute our discord group and stopped texting the rest of my friends (ones that I’ve known for 1-2 decades) just to see what would happen, because I was the only one reaching out.
I have yet to get a single dm or an @. It’s been at least two years. Some people just don’t care.
#38
When they left me and never called or texted me. It’s been several years.
They just wanted me for what I could do for them. I was convenient and useful.
#39
When I realised they’d contact me only when they needed something.
#40
When they threw a hissy fit I was in a happy and healthy relationship and wouldn’t let them take a crack and lost a few more when my husband decided to stay with me and our child when I gave birth instead of going out with them the same night. Actually got a message asking me why I was so controlling, first time I heard about the night out thing.
#41
When I left the church. All of the sudden I was one of the “others”, worldly, and a bad, bad influence to be avoided. It was tough because some of those women had been my friends since childhood.
Edit: a word.
#42
Seeing the difference in the energy they had speaking to other friends and realizing I knew things about their past, family and pets, goals, and struggles while they didn’t even know my last name (that is to say I had a curiosity about them that wasn’t reciprocated).
#43
I was 22, i was at the university in another city and my father got a really bad diagnosis. I sudenly stop going out every weekend because i start going back home to help with my father. No one of my “friends” care or even asked. When i asked them to have a coffe or lunch together they were unables of doing the effort.
Luckly i was still in contact with my school and higschool friends that really helped me these moments.
#44
I had a lot of people who I thought were “friends” in college. Almost every one of them I was friends with because we went to the same church and did campus ministry stuff together, when I eventually started questioning things and left they all fell off the face of Earth. Seemed like even being around me while I was questioning was uncomfortable for them, and when I left basically got ghosted by all of my college friends (besides a couple not from that church group).
#45
When I was not invited to their wedding(s).
#46
We were close friends since junior high, but over the years it became more and more apparent how little he appreciated others or returned favors. We lived together for a while and I did most of the cooking. When I cleaned I would also take care of his messes, but when he cleaned he would leave mine since it “wasn’t his mess”. I always drove everywhere with no offers to help with gas or anything.
I also knew that all his ex girlfriends, who were also friends of mine, tended to be less than pleased with his attitude or his person. He was sleazy, including hitting on coworkers and being very unprofessional.
It came to a head last summer when he was generally being a d**k at the camp where we both worked, and id had enough. I decided ten years of friendship did not outweigh who he was as a person and cut it off.
Since then the coworker he dated from camp moved from her home state to live with him, wherein he promptly isolated her from any friends (myself included) and treated her like s**t.
He’s just a downright bad person.
Also he still owes me $1300 which I never expect to see.
#47
When I gave to them in their time of need and they didn’t give back and left me on my own when i needed them the most.
#48
When after I spent an entire day and a good amount of money making something for them that ended up getting destroyed by strong winds (that’s the abridged version) they yelled at me and called me incompetent.
And that was after certain people had arleady bullied me through text and verbally.
So I told them if they were that ungrateful I’m gonna leave, and that’s what I did.
#49
I was cleaning my room in high school and found a piece of paper with a poem on it I had written for a friend as a child. She had written one back about how they didn’t actually like me or want to be my friend and how annoying I was. I don’t know how it didn’t register when I received it but I never spoke to her again after that.
#50
When I was 26. Everyone is selfish and only really care about themselves. If you don’t have something to offer in the friendship, they won’t stay your friends.
For example, I have soccer friends. I hang out with them once a week, we talk for a bit after the game.
My soccer buddy i knew for 10 years. Just realized last year he had a sister. I had no idea.
#51
When I realized I felt more at peace just by not talking to them. That really speaks volumes about the energy they give off.
#52
Doctor thought I had breast cancer. “Friend” told me absolutely she would go to the specalist with me. I am a single mom and didnt have anyone to go with me.
The morning of I was sitting on my balcony having a cup of tea-she lived right across the road so I could see her outside on her balcony. I waved and she pretended she didnt see me. Texted multiple times cause I saw her on her cell phone outside. She completely ignored me and continued for a couple weeks after. When she finally replied as to why she didnt go with me, she just said “no reason she just didnt feel like it”
I havrnt spoekn to her since. We were best of friends for over 10 years and Ive been there for her and her family through really really bad times. She couldnt even bother to come with me to the hospital less then 10 minutes away.
I don’t need people like that in my life. Its been 4 or 5 years since I spoke to her.
#53
We were all potheads, and didn’t drink that much and about a year later all of us had to quit smoking for stable jobs because we just got out of high school and now my used to be best friend drinks and drives nearly every night. Sad days.
#54
It’s even tougher that your biological parents are not really backing you up, and even worse, they bully you, one of them is an NPD.
#55
Same as you, i stopped reaching out and coming up with plans first. and learned how many dead flowers i had been watering. plus many of them started having kids (i mean ended up pregnant and single mothers mostly, not starting families in which case i could be happier for them). and basically the last time they cared to see me was to make sure i brought a gift to the baby shower. everything else has to be on their time and also include their ball and chain and i’m not about that life at all.
#56
When I realized they had no trouble making time for other people, but I basically had to beg for a message back.
#57
I’m sure this will be common place, but in middle school, the girls who I thought were my friends were just using me for laughing material. I was awkward and in my “ugly phase” when I didn’t carry a name brand purse, or ate something different from them at lunch, they used to laugh at me. Then one day they slid me a note they had all signed that said “we hate you. Youre ugly. Don’t come near us or sit with us at lunch anymore. 🙂 “
That’s when I realized they weren’t my friends. Sat at lunch at a table by myself all that year. It sucked, but it got me into therapy at an early age, which I’m thankful for.
#58
When i stopped doing stuff for them (bc they only wrote when they needed/wanted something for me) and now it’s pretty silent and tbh i don’t care anymore.
i am a 25f and i don’t habe any friends, at least they don’t use me anymore.
#59
When I realized they were talking behind my back, taking bets on my love life and gossiping with other friends I had made in an effort (that successfully) ruined that friendship as well.
I handled it by cutting everyone off and not talking to them anymore. Was it lonely? Yeah, yeah it was. But better to keep information close to the heart instead of being stabbed in the back over and over again.
#60
When I realize they had “Unfriended” me
That hurt the most discovering that.
#61
I was 13, we’d been bestfriends for almost two years. She’d always said subtle things to knock me down a bit, like ‘maybe you shouldn’t wear fitted clothes’ or would playfully comment on my rounded cheeks, but I always assumed I was just being too sensitive. I tended to let a lot of what she said slip because I looked up to her- she was confident and a go-getter while I was shy and dealing with a lot of anxiety.
The kicker was when we were window shopping around our local shopping centre and there was a picture of this really beautiful model modelling lingerie. She said ‘I used to want to be a supermodel when I was younger’. I said ‘yeah, same’. I mean, who hasn’t dreamt of being a famous actor/ singer/ model as a kid? She really could have just moved on with the conversation but instead she chose to say ‘yeah but you wouldn’t actually have a chance, I always thought I’d be quite good at it.’ It was so blatantly cruel that, even though it took me another few months to officially cut off the friendship, from that moment on I never trusted her and it just completely opened my eyes to how incredibly mean she was.
#62
15 years of friendship. She spent those 15 years comparing herself to me, making me feel bad about myself, always made me apologize for everything. I guess I grew up and noticed everything that was wrong with that friendship.
#63
When they bullied someone who is outside our group. I distanced myself from them after that. No Regrets :).
#64
Using me for my car.
#65
My childhood best friend is kind of a piece of s**t and I didn’t realize it until she moved away. She’s fun and pretty and charming and so she gets away with a lot, but she hurts everyone who cares about her with little to no regard for the effect she has on other people’s lives as long as she is getting what she wants out of any given situation. She has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had, used me as her therapist/mom friend and has f****d 2 of my boyfriends, places no importance on being supportive or kind to friends and loved ones in need, and will cut people out of her life as soon as they stop being useful. I’m pretty sure she is a narcissist.
#66
Back in 2020 when my (ex)girlfriend started to use me during quarantine (she would constantly spam me and put me into group chats without my permission [and she knows I’m a shy person]) and then eventually my other friend would refuse to wear their masks around me and would actually bully me about the fact I was not comfortable when they didn’t have it on. One of them even tried to fist fight me about it because they were trying to impress my FINALLY ex-girlfriend because he had a crush on her. And I never saw them again. Fast forward to current year, I declared myself as gay, now have a loving boyfriend, and also realized that I wouldn’t had been as happy as I was now if I didn’t let them go… they were holding me back, and I finally broke free from them and went forward.
#67
Using me and my other friend for a place to live, food, and weed free of charge. He moved his useless a*s girlfriend in with us and made my friend and I pay to support them. In retrospect, we probably should have just let them starve and figure s**t out on their own.
After three years (two of them with just him, a year with his girlfriend also – yeah, our bad), we told him to get a job or move out. We gave him three months to do so.
In three months, he went to one job interview… because I arranged it, lent him decent clothes to wear to it, then drove him there, and sat in the parking lot to make sure he actually went. He bombed the interview and basically said on the way back, “this is why I won’t ever work. No one wants me. You can just pay for me, right?” I replied with, “you won’t work by choice. You have no marketable skills because you’ve spent your whole adult life railing pain pills, smoking weed, and playing video games. No, we will not continue to pay for you. Start packing your s**t and hope your mom will let you move back in.”
That was 12 years ago and I haven’t heard from him since. He was fun to hang out with when he wasn’t being a useless shite… but I shouldn’t have to pay to be friends with anyone, especially ungrateful s***s.
#68
When they planned a trip together and didn’t invite me and i was the only one who didn’t get asked to be a bridesmaid in any of the weddings because “I’m always busy working” so everyone assumed i wouldn’t be able to do these things.
#69
When I became broke.
#70
When I was going through 3 years of some of the toughest times in my life, and he said I didn’t have enough time for to be friends with.
This was a 25 year friendship he tossed because I didn’t hang out enough, or talk on the phone enough, or give him enough attention.
#71
Oh boy, inc list
1) we’d do joint shopping, he’d eat 90% of it. I s**t you not, I’d catch him at 6am cooking himself two rump steaks.
2) Asked me to run back to our house to turn the oven off, in the mean time he “stole” a job from me – can go into a long a**e story or just take my word for it.
3) I’d do joint meals and leave one on the side for when he got home from his first job. Usually around 2am. Some nights Im not hungry so would wrap mine up and put it in the fridge. He’d eat both portions despite knowing one was mine.
4) If I wasn’t in, he’d s**t with the door open. The bathroom connects directly onto our living space and he suffers with severe crohns disease. The smell was horrendous.
5) his partner dumped him and he declared he could no longer stand to be in sleeping in his room. Instead of accepting a trade with me to swap rooms, he made the sofa his new bed. We had complaints from the landlord the property was stinking of BO
6) going back to the bathroom issue, he wouldn’t check if it flushed properly and 9/10 had used half a toilet roll. The mess was unreal
7) for some reason beyond me, he was trying to break up my partner and myself. He called himself our “own relationship adviser”. Anything I told him, he’d run back to her and tell her, but completely twisting it. The same vis versa. One time we nearly split up thinking the other had said something completely different. Thankfully we caught on pretty quick to this game
8) organised a trip to his home country with me to do winter sports activities etc. Then randomly turned around one day and said him and X was going instead of me and him. Despite me having brought some of the stuff we needed.
9) Constantly told me “You shouldn’t worry about doing a masters, you’re not academic material”. Done my masters, starting my PhD with my own research ideas soon. Had offers from Multiple professors across the UK. This one infuriated me at the time.
10) The flatulence was insane. He’d just c**k his leg in the lounge and let rip. While the partner and me were in the room, among others.
11) Threw a strop with me over a puppy. We were talking about dog fostering. We were knocked back due to lack of garden and honestly his lifestyle and how he acted; it was a good thing. My partner and me then bought a puppy together as we thought it was the right time in our relationship. He threw one massive hissy fit because thats what him and me were supposed to do.
Thats just a couple off the top of my head.
#72
He preffered his popularity than his friends. We were friends for 5 years and now we don’t talk anymore.
#73
When the guy I called my brother, went behind my back, lied to my long term girlfriend telling her I was cheating, watching her dump me, then taking her on the rebound 2 days after. Eventually turning into a physically and emotionally a*****e j****e.
#74
When they distanced themselves during a particularly difficult time.
#75
When I watched how they were with their other friends. You can learn a lot about people just from that.
#76
When he (one of them in particular) took advantage of my anxiety, and threatened me with various consequences if I didn’t do various things that he wanted. He almost made me k**l myself countless times and put me through emotional trauma everyday for the time we were “friends”. Sometimes he followed through with the things he knew would make me anxious. He got kicked out of school in the end and nowadays I can look back and laugh at how pathetic he was so that’s good, although it took a while after he encouraged his friends to annoy me after I stopped talking to him.
#77
They were huddling together while one shared s**y pictures a girl was sending him
Pieces of s**t violating her trust and privacy for their own ego.
#78
A variety of things. Some that refused to talk to me once I moved, but were all chummywith my ex that most had told me they didn’t like. Had one that eventually showed himself to be an a****t and possible psychopath. That took a restraining order to finally remedy. One that still kind of stings is someone who was addicted to being embroiled in drama and being a victim. It was telling when he’d turn to me for advice, then get angry if I didn’t just tell him what he wanted to hear. Obviously he rarely if ever actually took my advice. And God help you if you tried to point out bad behavior on his end.
#79
When he decided he didn’t want something in the shop and just put it on a random shelf.
#80
My controversial (probably) opinion is that every friend turns out to be “not as good a person as you thought.” I think people break off friendships too easily. My best friend often doesn’t follow through with plans, comes late and is unreliable. Other friends are stingy or say rude things without thinking about the consequences.
You know what I do? I think “that’s people.” People are all massive disappointments when you get to know them. We’ve all got flaws. I’m not gonna break off a friendship over something f*****g stupid like 10 dollars “on principle”, or because they are late.
What I do is just call out my friends when they’re being s****y. I don’t like lying, and I’ll just say “you are being dishonest/bullshitting me, why?” and usually you get a proper answer and move on.
People just suck. Myself too. I cancel on friends cause of my anxiety. I drink too much and crash on their couch. Thank f**k that some people understand we all have flaws and don’t just dump each other.
Edit: some advice
– Don’t ever trust a person on their word. It’s laughably easy to convince yourself that you’re good and those who go around saying they’re good friends usually aren’t.
– Don’t even trust actions; those are fleeting. Anyone can change at any moment.
– Don’t expect s**t and don’t rely on anyone. Connections can be made and broken. Yes we’re all connected on some level but individual connections are usually temporary.
– Everyone is an actor. Nobody is ‘real’ with you. They probably can’t even be real with themselves.