It’s often said that ‘manners maketh man,’ but it can be hard to figure out exactly what etiquette is applicable in which situation. People also have subjective rules that they like to live by, and if you don’t know about or follow those, it might make you seem rude.
This is the dilemma a woman faced when her dad got angry that his granddaughter wasn’t following his etiquette rule. He couldn’t stand the fact that the teen ordered something more expensive than he did when he was paying for their meal, and that set him off.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:Sometimes people might come across as disrespectful, especially if they are unaware of a particular rule of etiquette
The poster shared that her dad is a frugal man and usually likes eating at home, but once when they came over, he decided to take them out for breakfast
At breakfast, the man’s granddaughter ordered a chicken-fried steak, which he didn’t seem to be happy about since he was paying
Once back home, the man shouted over the fact that his grandkid lacked manners and didn’t know that guests should never order costlier items than the host
The poster found it shocking that her dad would make such a fuss over this, and defended her daughter
The woman explained that her daughter is a very respectful kid and always spends time with her grandparents, which is why this situation came out of left-field
As the woman mentioned, her dad has always been a very frugal person. Due to his intense focus on savings, he managed to get a home, build a good nest egg, and invest in multiple rental properties. It seems like he was able to achieve all of his financial goals due to his thriftiness.
There’s a big difference between people who are frugal and those who are too focused on penny-pinching. Most folks who are thrifty spend money on things they really need and also believe in quality over quantity, whereas overly cautious savers might keep hoarding money to their detriment and by compromising on their relationships with others.
It seems like the grandpa is more of a thrifty man, because he felt that it was okay to treat his grandkid and daughter to breakfast. Once there, he did seem uncomfortable when his granddaughter asked for something that was more expensive than what he had ordered. This didn’t sit well with him.
He seems to have a strict rule of etiquette that guests shouldn’t order anything costlier than the meal the host gets for themselves. These kinds of beliefs about behavior often come from a desire to be considerate to everyone around. It doesn’t mean that folks have to always be on their best behavior, but it’s more about having meaningful relationships built on respect.
The grandpa didn’t approve of his granddaughter’s behavior at the restaurant. He stewed over the matter for a while and then blew up at the OP and her kid later on. He felt that the teen lacked manners and should be taught not to order such costly things when she’s invited out for a meal.
To understand a bit more about this situation, We reached out to Lisa Mirza Grotts, also known as the golden rules gal, who is a lifestyle and etiquette expert. She has written many books on the subject and her recent one called ‘A Traveler’s Passport to Etiquette’ is out now.
She mentioned that “chivalry can be as delicate as a cheese soufflé. The rule is simple: when someone opens their wallet, match their tone, mood, and meal. When someone else is paying—especially a parent or grandparent—there’s an unspoken rule: follow their lead.”
She added that “if grandpa orders a hamburger, it’s not the moment to order surf and turf. This isn’t about greed—it’s about respect. Golden rule: when someone treats, don’t compete!” We also asked Lisa how the grandpa could share his views on the situation without calling out his grandkid for being ill-mannered.
She advised, “try this next time: ‘I love treating you, but let’s keep it simple today—I’ll be having the BLT.’ A subtle signal. Still generous, still gracious.” He could also say ‘when I was young, we were always taught that when someone else is paying, you follow their lead—it was our way of showing appreciation.’ A gentle teachable moment. Not a lecture, just legacy.”
It’s clear that the grandpa holds his rule of etiquette close to his heart. He should have communicated this to his daughter and granddaughter before taking them out for a meal. Surely, they would have respected his wishes, and it wouldn’t have led to this kind of misunderstanding.
Do you have any personal rules about good manners that you firmly believe in, like this? Do share them in the comments.
Folks mostly sided with the poster and felt that her dad was being a cheapskate for throwing a fit over something like this
